Tomorrow marks 5 months from when we met.
Almost half a year.
Yesterday was one amazing day together.
Last night in his invited arms under the beautiful moon.
(Right now I could not ask for a more beautiful memory.)
I took in that moment and him holding me tight and with warmth... and looking deep into the moon and feeling her Luna energy... and I remember saying to Jon, "I want more days like today." Him saying something like, it was a great day we should.
Today I am surprised.
Today I am finding gratitude in this BIG OLE heart of mine.
Grateful to have met such a gentle soul and grateful for the fun times and grateful for the beauty in newness and getting to know another human deeply.
We moved fast and that came with ease and joy.
Grateful for our daily rhythms.
We are on the same wave length and it was nice to share those common things and how simple things are full of beauty and big things to us.
Today I am grateful for the example that was shared to me and to Maxx.
I am grateful to have filled his wish and shared him in this space.
I am grateful for my little Maxx's tears.
After sharing sharing the news and answering why Jon's things are gone.
Our lives touched... forever enhanced by a artisan, strong man, a father, a coach, a best friend.
Today I am grateful for remedies.
..and my Mom and Dad who took the time to listen to me process on my amazing father's Birthday. Happy Birthday DAD!!!! Thank you.
Today I am grateful to have made it to Maxx's school for the story.
How peaceful it was there and to just be still for a moment.
Grateful for the readers calming voice, the sweetness of the story and the light that filled the room.
To watch Maxx with his friends drawing on their paper airplanes. Grateful to see how much work and detail Maxx put into his. To hear his friend ask if he can have it and Maxx's generous heart saying SURE!
My phone is filled with pictures...grateful for the captured memories and joy.
Today I am grateful for the strength I have, my BIG OLE HEART and my generousity. That I could help someone and be helped in return.
I am grateful for compassion and a hand written letter filled with honesty.
Grateful that other's have boundaries and can draw the line with such strength.
How much you can learn from that.
What do I do now?
I try to be the same always in my emotions and how I carry myself.
At work my friend today, got me some water seeing me pale and my neck and face filled with hives. Knowing there was something wrong even though you would not know in my voice or how I was able to carry on at work.
Asking for a hug and an ear.
She told me her beautiful story and things she had never shared before...
Gratitude... how that made me feel better.
Her sweet wishes of happiness for me...She listened to me process and giving me the water told me to take care of myself...that is what you need to do.
Gratitude for...my leadership in full understanding and acknowdging my strength to be able to hold myself together at work, compassion to allow me leave a few minutes early.
I decide to...
Pull up my grateful strong boot straps and go get myself some flowers find more gratitude and joy and light.
driving aimlessly...Maxx asking where we are going...and I don't know where...I just know we are going to get Mommy some flowers....
Maxx, "You have made this block two times now..."
Aimless I am aimless here YO!!!
...what kind of flowers...goodness All I can see are the flowers on the table that I got on my birthday from Al and Jac my beautiful housemates
My best friend Lisa texts...say's... " go to the garden store...it always helps heal, to watch things grow"
I made it and in gratitude I chose my favorite color.
Maxx chose something too.
I also got some seeds to spread more joy and color into my life and garden. There is saw dust and a pop bottle left in the car...
I can hear his voice.
I come home, it is dark but can see the Valentine flowers Jon gave me are blooming.
I see he has removed his things...but forever left little reminders all over my home.
Reminded of the memories, his daily rituals, the plans, the carrying on, the big ole project we have been working on.
That was my moment today...watching the joy in him building that for us and hunting for the materials.
Grateful for those memories and the life that was in all of it and the possibilities.
Like always, I smile.
He made me smile a lot.
I walk into my room to leave my things and prepare for dinner and our evening rhythm.
I can instantly smell us and him and am reminded of memories.
My door has one of my most favorite quotes and I try to live it daily.
"Scoop up the Light & throw it to the stars."
In his letter he said "You have been so good to me and made me a better person."
Jon Sparkle BRIGHT!!!
Gratitude for the peace in our memories and the joy filled short life we shared.
We are both better.
Maxx and I carry on with joy filled gratitude.